Zosia Mamat who plays "Shoshana" on the hit HBO series GIRLS recently published an article in Glamour magazine about the way women in our generation define "success." She's not the only one who has been exploring the idea of what it means to be a "successful women". Lady heroes Lauren Fleshman and Kara Goucher are redefining what it means to be a professional female athlete, as well as mother, as well as entrepreneur, as well as a billion other things. I too am currently trying to tackle the difficulty of wanting it all; the successful coaching career, the relationship, the family, the future.
Zosia writes, "We (women) are so obsessed with “making it” these days we’ve lost sight of what it means to be successful on our own terms. As women we have internalized the idea that every morning we wake up, we have to go for the f--king gold. You can’t just jog; you have to run a triathlon. Having a cup of coffee, reading the paper, and heading to work isn’t enough—that’s settling, that’s giving in, that’s letting them win. You have to wake up, have a cup of coffee, conquer France, bake a perfect cake, take a boxing class, and figure out how you are going to get that corner office or become district supervisor, while also looking damn sexy—but not too sexy, because cleavage is degrading—all before lunchtime."
When I entered the coaching world I told everyone my goal was to be a Division I coach. I was ready for the sacrifices I had to make in order to be successful by (what I eventually realized) were other people's terms. Two years ago friends of mine journeyed on to begin successful coaching careers at some major DI universities. Meanwhile, I settled into my rural Ohio town and started to figure out, with many speed bumps along the way, what success means to me both personally and professionally.
I still haven't figured it out completely. It's okay, because defining what success means to you personally shouldn't have an end point. We are always gaining perspective, and gradually learning that it's okay to want the big job, paycheck, and recognition- and it's also okay to want babies, and marriage, and a life that contains every one of your dreams. Yet, it's not okay when we as woman say "she's wasting her potential" when someone makes a decision that doesn't fit into our definition or perception of success. I'm guilty of this too.
Zosia wrote, "Unfortunately, some of our need to succeed professionally is a by-product of a good thing: feminism. Feminism was meant to empower us as women, to build us up for fighting on male-dominated battlefields. It did that, but it did some other things as well. It gave us female role models like Hillary and Oprah and Beyoncé and in the process implied that mogul-hood should be every woman’s goal. We kept the old male ideas of success:power and money. We need new ones!"
Outside expectations and influences will always try to seep into your psyche. Life is a constant battle against perceived norms and benchmarks, and what we actually value and desire. In these moments when I find myself looking outward, scrolling down the Facebook feed seeing the glittery depictions of everyone else's "perfect" lives I have to remind myself to just- "DO YOU," and be happy with whatever that is, and wherever that leads.
Check out Zosia's full article HERE!
Zosia writes, "We (women) are so obsessed with “making it” these days we’ve lost sight of what it means to be successful on our own terms. As women we have internalized the idea that every morning we wake up, we have to go for the f--king gold. You can’t just jog; you have to run a triathlon. Having a cup of coffee, reading the paper, and heading to work isn’t enough—that’s settling, that’s giving in, that’s letting them win. You have to wake up, have a cup of coffee, conquer France, bake a perfect cake, take a boxing class, and figure out how you are going to get that corner office or become district supervisor, while also looking damn sexy—but not too sexy, because cleavage is degrading—all before lunchtime."
When I entered the coaching world I told everyone my goal was to be a Division I coach. I was ready for the sacrifices I had to make in order to be successful by (what I eventually realized) were other people's terms. Two years ago friends of mine journeyed on to begin successful coaching careers at some major DI universities. Meanwhile, I settled into my rural Ohio town and started to figure out, with many speed bumps along the way, what success means to me both personally and professionally.
I still haven't figured it out completely. It's okay, because defining what success means to you personally shouldn't have an end point. We are always gaining perspective, and gradually learning that it's okay to want the big job, paycheck, and recognition- and it's also okay to want babies, and marriage, and a life that contains every one of your dreams. Yet, it's not okay when we as woman say "she's wasting her potential" when someone makes a decision that doesn't fit into our definition or perception of success. I'm guilty of this too.
Zosia wrote, "Unfortunately, some of our need to succeed professionally is a by-product of a good thing: feminism. Feminism was meant to empower us as women, to build us up for fighting on male-dominated battlefields. It did that, but it did some other things as well. It gave us female role models like Hillary and Oprah and Beyoncé and in the process implied that mogul-hood should be every woman’s goal. We kept the old male ideas of success:power and money. We need new ones!"
Outside expectations and influences will always try to seep into your psyche. Life is a constant battle against perceived norms and benchmarks, and what we actually value and desire. In these moments when I find myself looking outward, scrolling down the Facebook feed seeing the glittery depictions of everyone else's "perfect" lives I have to remind myself to just- "DO YOU," and be happy with whatever that is, and wherever that leads.
Check out Zosia's full article HERE!